wandering soul~

2009-10-17T01:06:00.002+08:00

If i had asked, would you have given me the chance...? Or am I just dreaming and thinking too much..

2009-10-06T00:53:00.006+08:00

Been quite some time since I last blogged. School's been great, with my wonderful SG mates, but life ain't so great. Been constantly struggling with my school work, been trying to control myself, been trying to find myself back. God knows what I've been doing, what a jerk I've been at times. I'm disappointed with myself, I'm disappointed with what I've become, this shadow of my former self.

The Climb lyrics
Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

It's been a really tough road and I'm doing all I can from breaking into pieces. The days ahead are going to be even more challenging, so much so that it'll change my life and shake my very foundation. Please Lady Luck, smile on me once more, give me a miracle. I don't want to lose these precious friends of mine, I don't want to start over again, I don't want to feel lonely anymore...

2009-07-30T18:40:00.002+08:00

A single flower petal brushes against my skin

I don't want to believe

our romance was a mistake.

We've got a bad, bad habit of saying "everything's fine" and bottling it up.

I always thought about how I wanted to be with you forever, but we don't see eye to eye.

I assumed I could always make you smile

in that soft, gentle way of yours

like when we first met.

I want to hold you...

A single flower petal brushes against my skin

I don't want to believe

our romance was a mistake.

I thought I loved you.

I wanted to hear your voice more and more.

And while my hand still reaches yours,

I can't see what your future holds

2009-07-27T22:50:00.001+08:00

HP's back up hahas. Heng ah.

2009-07-26T12:39:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps, my HP is down, so I wont be contactable for the time being hahas.

2009-07-24T20:23:00.003+08:00

hahas reopened my blog again, specially for my long-lost pri sch fren, Wen Yan.

Be honoured ok friend xD

don't know what to blog about, so I shall just let the lyrics below do the talking~

挫折まみれ　流行にまぎれ　幸せな振りをして歌う
もっと走れと言い聞かして　無謀にも　そっと風上へ
来た道を一瞥　ゆとりは御免　四面楚歌　参戦に次ぐ one game
「山あり谷あり崖あり」　塵は積もってく
果てしない旅の途中で　街のはずれに立ち寄る
疲れた両足をそっと投げ出して　寝転ぶと　繰り返される浅い眠り
何度も同じあの横顔　何度も同じあの言葉を…
「生きてるだけで悲しいと思うのは私だけなの?」と

タバコの煙が宙をうねり　虚ろに消える

きっとまだ力なき幼い日に
見なくていい悲しみを　見てきた君は今
こらえなくていい涙を　こらえて過ごしてる
ほんとのことだけで　生きてゆけるほど
僕らは強くないさ　強くなくていい
いい?

持ち上げた瞼　世界は春だ　桜色の風をかきわけて
遥か彼方へ向かう途中　この菜の花畑に君はいたのかな
この空に鳥の白いはばたきを　僕が探す間きっと
君は大地に耳を澄まし　蟻の黒い足音を探したんだろうな

ピエロのような仮面を剥いで　太陽に忘れられた丘に立ち

月の光を浴びて　深く息を吸う
皿の割れる音も　怒鳴り声もない世界
温もりがなくたって　生きてはゆけるさ
だけど僕ら生きてるだけじゃ足りなくて

芽吹く大地や　分厚い幹や　消え去る虹や　過ぎ去る日々や
夜空のスピカ　四季の不思議が　教えてくれた　真実を探し続ける僕らに

どこまで旅をしても　命の始まりは
生きて愛されたいと泣いた　一人の赤子
ここではないどこかを　目指す理由とは
心ではないどこかに　答えはないと知るため

Smeared with setbacks, lost in fads
I pretend to be happy as I sing
“Run further” I’m urging myself, thoughtlessly, but softly to where the wind is blowing
I glance back at the road which I came from and feel sorry that I have time to spare
Surrounded on all sides
What comes after a war is one game
“There are mountains, valleys, cliffs”
Dust is piling up
In the middle of my endless journey, I stop by at the edge of a town
I throw down my tired legs softly
If I lie down, I’ll end up repeating my shallow sleep
I’ll see that same profile over and over, hear those same words over and over…
“Am I the only one who thinks just living is sad?”

Tobacco smoke floats in the air and disappears into emptiness

On a day where we’re surely still powerless and young
You witness sadness that you didn’t have to see
Now you’re spending your time holding in tears that don’t have to be held in
We’re not strong enough to keep living on just completely truthful things
We don’t have to be strong
Okay?

My lifted-up eyelids see the world in spring
I push through the cherry blossom-coloured wind
On the way to the destination of the far away other side, I wonder if you were in this rapeseed field
I search for the white flapping of a bird in this sky
Surely you’ll be listening carefully to the ground and searching for the black ant’s footsteps at the same time, right?

Tearing off a disguise like a clown’s, standing on a forgotten hill, in the sun

Basking in the light of the moon, taking a deep breath
In a world where there’s no yelling voice or sound of the plates breaking
Without sharing warmth, we can keep living
However, just living is not enough for us

The budding ground, the thick trees, the disappearing rainbow, the passing days,
The night sky’s Spica, the four season’s mystery, they taught us who continue searching for the truth

No matter how far we travel, at the start of life
We were lonely babies who cried out to want to live and be loved
Our reason for aiming for somewhere that isn’t here
Is because we have to in order to know that there is no answer anywhere other than in the heart

"Velonica" by Aqua Timez

2009-05-26T23:16:00.002+08:00

Let people think what they want of me,

I don't really care anymore.

In fact, I won't even bother thinking before I say or do anything.

Let them get the wrong impression of me.

I've told myself I'll start afresh and anew,

And I told thamhin some stuffs that were self-motivating to me.

But they were just empty words, I couldn't keep to them, no matter how hard I try.

I shall start afresh and anew, but alone and far away from any emotions.

I shall be cold and hard, never giving away my feelings or thoughts.

People may call me a loner and a cold-hearted bastard, but I won't give a damn.

It doesn't matter to me anymore, I am who I am.

And I shall live my life alone from now on.

2009-05-19T22:45:00.003+08:00

Hahas posting again after a month, after hearing some "complaints" that my blog is dead again.

Been having a roller coaster ride this one month, there were definitely fun moments, with my good bunch of CSS friends and also with my PW group, who always seem to be laughing for some strange reasons, even when no one said or did anything lmao. But there always seem to be moments when I'd just stone there for hours on end and walk down the memory lane. Been doing that a lot more lately and also wasting a lot of time. This week was the worst, even though it's only been 2 days. First, I really studied for my maths module test, hoping to even just get a sub-pass, I think I got the lowest, a pathetic 9/50 marks, haven't had enough practice i guess or my studying method is way wrong and it's time to revise it.

Oh and thanks mei, for giving such a touching post for me, thanks ^-^ and ya ya, you rocks more la ah ya? xD

Ah god damn it, why is it always when I thought things would turn out fine, another problem hits me again and just turns everything upside down as I struggle once again to right the wrongs I've caused.

2009-04-19T10:19:00.004+08:00

It's been two months..yet you still remain in my heart..

I miss the feeling, the warmth and you..

This kind of feeling can't be erased with time..it'll always remain with me, till the end of my days.

Everything that I do, everywhere that I go, still reminds me of you and the times we had together..

There was so much that we've done together, so much we've been through, so deep and strong a feeling..

My heart aches so much now, wishing you were by my side again..

But what we had has come and gone..

It'll be nothing but a memory now..a memory that I shall always keep in my heart..that there was once upon a time when I had truly believed that there was such a thing as a happy ending..

I've tripped and fallen..

Why can't I face the truth? Why can't I just forget you and move on? Why'd I ever let you go? I'll never understand..

It's just so hard to forget you and pretend nothing ever happened..

I need to sleep..and never wake up..

2009-03-29T11:57:00.002+08:00

What Hurts The Most lyrics

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

It was fun yesterday, hanging out with Shawn, Jimmy, Peina and Qinhua at east coast park.

Really helped to relax my sore mind.

But as the sun set and night came, we went over to the sky park at vivo city.

Peina was feeling down and we brought beer along and comforted her.

Tried to help, but I wasn't of much use there.

As I stared at the night view, those memories resurfaced.

I tried to suppress them and the rising emotions, but I didn't have the strength and started walking down the memory lane.

I couldn't help but wander through all those times, accompanied by a deep sense of longing and ache in my heart.

Wondering what could have been had things gone more smoothly.

The world that I've come to know, the face and person I have loved so deeply, have all been taken away from me.

You were right, I'm just a wandering soul, flitting in and out of people's life, helping them, always taking the back stage and never claiming any credit.

The me that you all have known for that short 4 years in CSS, has died.

I'm just an empty shell now, walking down the dark side of the road, watching as life goes on around me, as I sink further and further into oblivion.

The change is so drastic, from being so close, so intimate, to complete strangers now.

But it doesn't matter anymore, nothing does.

Good things never last in my life, they always disappear.

I shall lock those memories away into the deep recesses of my heart.

Did things really have to turn out this way? Couldn't there have been an alternative? I will never know.

I shall wait for the days to pass by and wait for the end to come, when I'll finally be able to blissfully leave.

Can't people try to be more understanding, more compromising? Then there wouldn't be so much problems now..

Wishing and wanting, but I shall never get it..

I'm really useless, I can never get any things done right, whatever I do can never appease anyone. It's always never enough..

So much conflicting emotions, so much conflicting thoughts..

Love Story

爱的故事有很多
你一定听过
她们说
最美的爱情像湖泊
美的忍不住停留
而任性的风
吹过了
却飘下一片片叶落

放开手往北方走
留下伤心的树独自忍受
你离开我连一句话都不说
只默默看著今晚天空星光闪烁

看今夜的流星
划过了天际
笑我的心
我无法再冷静
请你要倾听
你是我的唯一
我不愿去相信
我们之间
隔著海洋的距离
我的爱
已融化在空气里

爱的故事有很多
你一定听过
她们说
最美的爱情像湖泊
美的忍不住停留
而任性的风
吹过了
却飘下一片片叶落

放开手往北方走
留下伤心的树独自忍受
你离开我连一句话都不说
只默默看著今晚天空星光闪烁

看今夜的流星
划过了天际
笑我的心
我无法再冷静
请你要倾听
你是我的唯一
我不愿去相信
我们之间
隔著海洋的距离
我的爱
已融化在空气里

看今夜的流星
划过了天际
笑我的心
我无法再冷静
请你要倾听
你是我的唯一
我不愿去相信
我们之间
隔著海洋的距离
我的爱
已融化在空气里

Take care of yourself, may happiness find you where ever you go, and all the best in everything you do..
Good-bye..

2009-03-08T15:26:00.003+08:00

To the joker who's been tagging at my blog and her blog,

I would really appreciate your cooperation in not tagging such negative comments anymore.

You're concerned, I thank you for that.

But that doesn't give you the right to insult her like that.

I respect her and her decisions, so you should try to keep any negative comments you have to yourself.

At least have the guts to tag your name if you want to tag this kind of messages.

I know none of my friends will insult her like that for they're more civilised and will not resort to insulting people.

The next time you try and insult her again, I will not be so tolerant.

I can tolerate many things, but I will not tolerate people who insults my friends.

2009-03-03T21:50:00.005+08:00

I don't get it, I really don't..

Why is it that I can never keep those that i treasure and love alot close to me..

Why do I always end up losing them..

If it were so easy to let go, I would have done so already..

I'm so lost and confused now..

Why do I even bother to hold on..why?

Cause I truly love you..

I've been clinging on to that small glimmer of hope that you'll come back to me when you feel less tired..

But I guess..the way you put it, I'm just dreaming about something which will never come true..

I don't even know where Iwent wrong..what I did to become a burden to you..what I did to tire you out..

I don't get why won't you even give me another chance to make things right..

All those plans and promises..are nothing but dust and memories now..

I'm only reacting the way I am now is because I don't have any answers!

I'm left hanging there, in complete state of shock

Not knowing what just hit me..

You said you wanted to be friends with me

But now, we're not even close friends

We've completely turned into strangers..

Every night I still dream of us being together,

And I would jump up in bed suddenly in the middle of the night

And start weeping as the truth hits me hard, that you're no longer mine..

I'm an emotional and sentimental guy, and you know it.

You gave me life, you gave me hope

But now, they're no longer there.

I have no meaning in life anymore, I have no reason to live anymore.

I'll retreat back into the darkness where I came from..

What the hell...I'm just so tired...so lost...

To hell with everything..I no longer care anymore..I no longer give a damn anymore..

I don't care about my studies anymore, I don't care about my future anymore..

I hate myself..

Just let me die..just let me fly free like a bird soaring through the skies..

I never wanted to say goodbye..

I just want things to be properly sorted out..

I really wish I can turn back time and make amends..

I really wish I could..

I'm sorry if I overreacted..

But..this is me..

I rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for who I am not...

2009-03-02T11:07:00.002+08:00

Wait for you
Elliot Yamin

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
But you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy
How can you walk away
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it won't be enough

Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do

I'll Be Waiting

2009-02-22T11:44:00.004+08:00

I really can't move on with life..

I can't live without you, I need you because I love you too much..

If you regret it, then retract that statement, nothing is impossible..

We shouldn't let this setback break us apart..

If you're tired, we can always find ways to solve it..not run away from it..

Don't shut me out just like that..

Every night I dream of you, wishing so much that you are back with me..

It's so hard to put aside 1 and a half years of happy memories..

I just wished I had been more understanding and a better bf..then maybe you wouldn't have felt so tired..

I've lost my sense of direction, I'm really like a wandering soul now, with no aim and no place..

Just this once, I wanna believe in a fairy tale, where we'll live happily ever after..

If you're reading this, I just want you to know,

I love you and I'll wait for you,

I'll wait for you to come back to me with the key to my heart,

And we'll be together and be happy again..

For you've kidnapped my heart and my heart will always be yours..

I'll still keep my promises, I'll be there for you if you ever need me, to help you.

I love you so much, my baby darling little angel..

I'm really sorry for any wrongs I've done to you..

I would gladly do anything just to make amends..

But if you feel you'll be happier this way,

Then I'll respect your decision..

Sorry..

2009-01-17T10:54:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry if I've been making you feel restricted

I'm sorry if I've been making you feel unhappy

I'm sorry if I haven't been understanding

I'll give you all the freedom you want if you need it that much

I won't tie you down or burden you

I'm sorry, I really am...

2008-08-10T00:01:00.000+08:00

Kidnap My Heart (Rock Version)- The Click Five

http://www.imeem.com/jesus-lives-on/music/tJDm5J7A/the_click_five_kidnap_my_heart_rock_version/

Hey girl, whats your name i think I caught you looking my way
Do you wanna know how to get me of to your own
Weekends work the best i pick the place you do the rest
Hey now don't be shy but you got to keep me in line
Love at first sight never thought in could happen to me
but you made me believe

Kidnap my heart
take me with you
Kidnap my heart
make my dreams come true
Take me away cause falling in love
Is very far, not far from the start
Kidnap my heart.

Can you get me up more
Fun that i can ever dream of
Could you tie me down
Can you keep me hanging around
I don't wanna be into keep you company
Put your hand in mine got to hold on top of the ride
Love at first sight never thought in could happen to me
but you made me believe

Kidnap my heart
take me with you
Kidnap my heart
make my dreams come true
Take me away cause falling in love
Is very far, not far from the start
Kidnap my heart.

You've got to hold me tighter
Cause I'm a real fighter
Don't tear us apart
Love at first sight never thought in could happen to me
but you made me believe

Kidnap my heart
take me with you
Kidnap my heart
make my dreams come true
Take me away cause falling in love
Is very far, not far from the start
Kidnap my heart.

Kidnap my heart
Kidnap my heart...

Really never thought it could happen to me..
Love at first sight..
You've kidnapped my heart,
and I'm not gonna do a thing about it.
Cause I'm glad you're the one that kidnapped it.
We've been through a lot,
be it happy or sad,
we're still together,
loving and happy.
Happy 11th Month Anniversary!
Just 1 more month,
it'll be our 1st year.
I'll never regret being with you
You always make my heart beat faster whenever you're around,
you gave me hope when I thought it was all lost,
you made me believe in miracles,
you made me see the meaning in life
you're always there for me when I needed you.
I wanna love you till the end of time,
and even in death,
my love for you will still be as deep.
I wanna make you feel like you're the happiest and most contented woman on this earth.
I'll be your guardian angel,
I'll hold you tight and never let go.
I'll hold you close to me and wipe your tears away whenever you're sad, scared or down.
I'll love you with my very being.
I'll always be there for you,
no matter what happens.
I love you, yanni, my darling little angel <3

Sorry for any wrong I've done to you,

Sorry for making you sad, angry, hurt or scared.

I promise to be the best boyfriend you'll ever have.

2008-03-13T19:39:00.002+08:00

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it through every storm
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes
Because you live there's a reason why I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always
My world has everything I need to survive
Because you live, I live

2008-03-03T18:51:00.002+08:00

Darling, thank you for believing in me,
For trusting me so much,
And for understanding me.
I couldn't have asked for a more loving girlfriend.
You're the sweetest little thing on this earth,
And will forever be my darling little angel.
I'll love you with every ounce of me,
Keep you safe and sound, watch over you, care for you.
I'll never let any harm fall on you,
I'm willing to die for you.
I'll hold you tight and never let go.
I swear upon my life, I'll make you forever a part of my life.
Without you, life would be meaningless,
Without you, nothing would be possible for me.
As long as we're together, one mind, one soul, one heart,
There is nothing that would be great enough to sunder our love.
I love you, my darling little angel, till the end of time.

2008-02-09T21:11:00.000+08:00

Why am I so useless?
I don't know if I have given you enough..
There seems to be so many things I could have given you,
Yet i have not..
I may not be the perfect guy that you think I am..
I'm just another pessimistic, timid guy..
I have so many restrictions..
I don't know how long I can hold on to you..
I'm losing confidence...
But I love you so much..I don't wish to lose you..
I cannot imagine life without you..
You're a part of me, my life, my future, my dreams.
I just seem to get these nightmares so often now..
It's turning me upside down..
Making me confused..scared..
Sigh..
I hate myself, I'm angry with myself for being so useless...

I love you, my sweetheart..

2008-01-27T11:27:00.000+08:00

Sigh..don't know what came over me lately...just hadn't been myself..
sry if i had offended anyone..
been feeling so lost..so alone..
and there's this feeling that i just cldnt put my finger on..
there're some things which i cant say..and i rather keep it to myself..
sigh..life, wonder when will i ever get a simple one..
I'll not bother myself with anymore unnecessary stuffs
It's work all the way till after O's..
But I'll still offer my help if any of my friends needs it..

2007-11-20T21:32:00.000+08:00

If That's OK With You

I love the way that you look without your make up

I had a girl before we met but we broke up

Theres something 'bout you that makes me want to step upstep up and be with you

If That's Ok With You

We'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late

cos imma make you feel so good thats how i see it happening

yeah we'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late

cos baby i wanna step up and be with you

if thats ok with you

im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth

I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth

im gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry

if thats ok with you

I wanna keep your toothbrush at my appartment

Make a second set of keys and ask you to move in

I'm not crazy

I know what im getting myself in

I wanna live with you

If thats ok with you

im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth

I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth

im gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry

if thats ok with youif thats ok with you

If thats ok with you

im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth

I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth

im gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry

if thats ok with you

yeah yeahwe'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late

I wanna love you this way that way this way

We'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late

I wanna love you this way that way this way

im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth

I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth

im gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry

if thats ok with you

Im gonna love you

im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth

I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth

im gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry

if thats ok with youif thats ok with you

If thats ok with you

if thats ok with you

This one's dedicated to my beloved darling ^-^

2007-11-16T09:18:00.000+08:00

Leaves on a tree wither,
Flowers may wilt

Stars may fall,
Rivers may dry

Seasons change,
The skies turns dark

But my love for you shalt never falter,
For you're my dreams, my world, my whole life, my very soul.
Should I lose you, it'll be the same as losing a limb or two.
We may have misunderstandings or the likes,
But I truly hope it'll never affect our relationship.
Should I completely lose your trust,
I've no one to blame but myself,
For being useless..

I'm really sorry, very truly sorry...
I love you deeply,
Even on my deathbed I'll still love you,
Till the ends of time..

2007-11-02T18:43:00.000+08:00

Don't know what came over me these few weeks...
Been feeling a great sense of emptiness and sadness...
Travelling down the memory lane...Relieving my past...
All the good times and bad times...just brings tears to my eyes...
Thought i could finally bury my harsh past..
Yet it comes back haunting me, refusing to give me peace...
People say knowledge brings great things but now, it's becoming more of a burden...
Just makes me see how complicated everything's become..
How pathetic it is...
How harsh this world really is...Only the fittest survives...

2007-10-11T19:23:00.001+08:00

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.

You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

2007-09-10T22:06:00.000+08:00

wooo! weee!! yippeee!!
today's the most happiest day of my entire life!
Feel like I'm in heaven now, on cloud 9!
Feel as light as a feather, soaring through the skies like a bird.
I'll never forget this day,
Let's make this last. ^-^

2007-09-08T21:22:00.000+08:00

I'll wipe away your tears,
I'll lend you my shoulders when you need it,
I'll be there to comfort you when you're sad,
I'll always be here by your side, even if it's not beside you, you'll always be on the forefront of my mind and heart.
I want to watch over you, I want to be your guardian angel.
I really care for you, I've promised alot of things to you, and you've also promised me a number of things, so let's both not break those promises ^-^
Always remember that I'll be there in reality and your heart and mind..to give you my eternal support..
May God Bless you.

2007-09-08T21:10:00.001+08:00

woo yesterday was so fun! definitely lightened up my dark mood =)
went to siloso beach at sentosa for guild outing and celebrate guild mate's birthday.
Had so much fun! We were like preparing don't know how many water bombs, only knew there were enough to make a small hill, like bukit timah =X
Anyway, we were supposed to throw all of it at the two birthday fellas. But ended up, we started throwing at everyone. Wei Jie and I took our bags and ran off =X so we didnt get too wet hahas. Then char was like aiming at almost everyone, but she also got hit herself hahas. Really had so much fun!!

and today, had to go clar's house to do up our bio project, decided to present it in a video format. jim and janice went as well. jim was to be our explain-er which he did pretty well, and clar was just...so high! haven't seen a girl so high before hahas. janice well...all i could say is, she's a audition addict! =X hahas, managed to film finish but didn't get to edit, coz clar's comp somehow can't detect the camera >.> and me and jim found the movie AppleSeed in her house!! omg, it was said that it couldn't be found in singapore, but she had it and it's original!! hahas.
had so much fun these two days, wish everyday could be as fun as this.

2007-09-06T22:36:00.001+08:00

Your Heart is Feeling Shy

Your heart certainly has some strong feelings, you're just not sure if you're ready to let them show.
You could be someone's secret admirer, or maybe you just haven't truly expressed how deep your feelings run.
Maybe you're still a little unsure about how you feel... or your unsure about what reaction you'll get.

Deep down, your heart is susceptible to: Clamming up and running away from love

Your current outlook on love: Introspective and a bit detached

Your love life will improve if you: Put yourself out there a little more. If you don't try, you'll never know.

Watch out for: Having a one sided romance - you need to be sure you're feelings are reciprocated

What Is Your Heart Feeling?

2007-09-06T10:10:00.000+08:00

"My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne

Oh oh, oh oh
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oooooh....

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?

Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

[Pre-Chorus:]
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted (I wanted)
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it (We lost it)
All of our memories, so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh
so much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh
oh oh, oh oh

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they (So are they)
But they don't know me
Do they even know you? (Even know you)
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do (All the shit that you do)

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted (That I wanted)
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it (We lost it)
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there,
Thanks for acting like you care
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were Done...

[Chorus:]
He was everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

[Chorus:]
You are everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

[x2]
Oh oh, oh oh....
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh....

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh....
Oh oooooh....

Sometimes, i wished I've never met any of you, then I'll still be in my world, free of any worries. But if I hadn't met any of you, I'll never have been able to make such great friends.Big thanks to those who've always been by my side when I needed you all. Even though some of you take my kindess for granted or don't even return it, I'll still show my care and concern for each and everyone of you..

Forgive and forget, let bygones be bygones.

And a very Happy Birthday to my dear sis, Shi Xian.

Hope you'll have an enjoyable time today..

2007-09-06T00:35:00.000+08:00

2007-09-01T13:49:00.000+08:00

You Are a Realist

You don't see the glass as half empty or half full. You see what's exactly in the glass.You never try to make a bad situation seem better than it is...But you also never sabotage any good things you have going on.You are brutally honest in your assessments of situations - and this always seems to help you cope.

2007-08-06T16:50:00.000+08:00

Haiz..
I'm so freaking feddup.
Jimmy Tan's finally told me that I'm not capable, that I'm unworthy to take up the mantle of president.
He said Tim ran away cause he couldn't take the responsibilty and pressure, which is totally not true.
He insulted me and jimmy by saying that we're not officially A.I members. I could have screamed at him right there and then but i kept my anger in check. Knowing that I couldn't risk getting kicked out now or all my hardwork would have gone down the drain.
That lansin wee, acted pitiful and mdm mazni and jimmy tan actually fell for it. Ended up we sec3s got the scolding. He said we didn't respect her. Now, what had she done to actually deserve out respect? Whatever she has accomplished, I've accomplished before as well. Except that I don't boot lick and I never will stoop so low just to gain the teachers' favour, which she obviously had done and had actually got her where she is now.
I've done everything that's good for the club, to ensure it's survival and to uphold it in memory of my seniors and Mr Adrian Lim. But have they ever given me the respect I deserve? No, not even once.
Like what yanni said, we sec3s don't have the ability to ACT.
The teachers expect us to follow their instructions blindly. But I have a mind, I have my dignity. I know what is right and wrong, I care for my members, I know their limits and have seen how the teachers neglected to train them. A leader lives to serve, he doesn't make decisions that are popular or in favour of someone. He makes decisions that are good for the whole, no favouritism, no biasm, even when it is clearly what the teachers don't like but is actually for the benefit of the club.
I've said my piece and hope for the best.

2007-08-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2007-07-23T20:19:00.000+08:00

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

2007-07-23T20:12:00.000+08:00

Your Life is 86% Off Track

Okay, so you probably are living the wrong life. But the good news is, you know it.
You ultimately control how good or bad your life is - and it's time to get to work.
Get therapy, dump your significant other, or move across the country. It's time to shake things up.

Are You Living The Wrong Life?

2007-07-03T20:45:00.000+08:00

Hellos hellos.
Been nearly 1 month since I last posted hahas.
Anyway, here to post a big auspicious event!
Jimmy Oh Cheng Jie and Rainie Soh Yuan Hui are getting married!!!

Date: 09/09/2007
Venue: Pan Pacific Hotel
Currently looking for a ban lang and ban niang! Anyone who's interested can call me.
There will be a 5 course meal filled with delicacies of all cultures. All friends and family are invited!
There will also be games, dances and even teasing the newly wed couple!
He was so desperate last time to get married and now...he's finally found his right girl! He also aim to have 7 children, now ain't that ambitious? xD
Now, how did he win her heart? Well as usual, with his trademark FLIRT and his pikachu cheeks, he managed to shock the girl's heart and melted her. He even did alot of lame stuffs and some other thingy magick just to impress her, and the poor girl actually fell for it. Ah that's too bad. But anyway, let's congrat them again! You'll also get to see a video that I made secretly while he was woo-ing her. So don't miss it out, come on down and join us!

PS: This is just a joke, don't take it too seriously. This idea was sparked by a certain girl named Adeline from my class =x So just enjoy the joy and laughter!

2007-06-07T22:28:00.000+08:00

Wait For You
By Elliot Yamin

[Verse 1]

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

[Bridge]

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be

[Chorus]

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

[Verse 2]

It's been a long time since you called me
[How could you forget about me]
You got me feeling crazy [crazy]
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

[Bridge]

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

[Chorus]

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

[Bridge]

So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afriad of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you wanted to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing i do

[Chorus]

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.

This song totally brings out all my feelings..
Oh Lord, I really need someone to help tide me through this...

2007-05-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

Life, it is like a movie. You're the director. You choose how you want the story to progress and go on. You decide how it ends too. Life is full of choices. Everything you do requires you to make a choice, be it small or it big, it will decide how your life goes on. When you decide to turn bad or good, it's entirely your choice. Whether it has a good or bad impact, you are the one who made that choice. Our future is in our hands, we shape it, we mold it. Never blame anyone too harshly for any bad things done, for it could be your own fault or choice that it happened in the first place. Learn to let go at times. Forgive and forget. What's passed is past. Time won't wait for anybody. So be it good or bad, we must go on. The greatest gift bestowed to us, is the gift of life. Cherish it, and cherish those around you, for life is unpredictable and you'll never know when you'll lose a loved one.
What you do unto others, others will do unto you.

2007-04-06T13:14:00.000+08:00

Don't know why, but these few weeks been going badly for me.
Seems like somebody's snuffed the light from me.
I no longer do things for a reason, I do things only because it needs to be done.
I no longer have reasons for anything.
The only thing that's keeping me going is that,
I remember all those good times, those times that are forever gone.
Things change, so do people.
Just yesterday's Sports Fest',
I thought i could finally garner a silver for the class in floorball with the boys team.
But god had it otherwise,
I let in two goals out of carelessness and it cost us our award.
Go ahead, blame me. I'm a rookie, I'll never be good in anything.
I don't think I'll ever succeed in anything.
I promised to fight against Jimmy Tan but now..?
I don't even have the will to go on.
Laugh at me, jeer at me for all I care.
Life has never been the same and will never be the same since i entered Secondary school life.
Life no longer holds anything special for me.
I'm just a living husk without a soul.
The point of no return..
What used to be, is but a memory now.

2007-03-22T20:19:00.000+08:00

All i wanna say here is...
Jimmy Tan, this is an all out war from now onwards, what you said today was damned unreasonable and directly insulting me and my sec3s, I'm gonna see that you will get your retribution and I'll be the one who does it.
When i talked back at you today, don't think it's the end, it's only the starting.

I don't think I've ever been this angry before in my life...
You think you're so good? Then by all means, run this club yourself.
Without me and my sec3s, you won't even have a club to run today.
God damn you.
But remember this one thing, this used to be A.I and will always be A.I to me, whatever you do to it, it'll still be the same old A.I. This was started by my seniors and not by you, so don't think you're almighty. Humans make mistakes. You've already made a grave one. You didn't give me a second chance, so don't expect me to be merciful.

2007-03-17T17:20:00.000+08:00

Weeee~
Had a fun time yesterday with Jimmy, Huxley, Farhan, Shi Xian, Raine, Endonna (can't remember how to spell her name =x)
Supposed to go Yishun Safra but had to wait till 6pm for a place there to bowl.
So we decided to go off to Orchid Country Club to bowl instead. Just at that moment, it started to rain -.- then xueli said she won't be coming to join us bowling cause of the rain and decided to meet us for dinner. Hahas you can't imagine how excited I was to meet her as we hadn't seen each other in a long time, had some catching up to do eh? hahas.
Anyway, lent my jacket to Shi Xian cause she said it was cold there, though i felt rather stuffy there =x.
Can't believe i lost my touch after a few years of no bowling hahas. Didn't even have a single strike =x I know I know I'm lousy hahas. Then Farhan and I were cursing each other to go down the drain and it we really cursed each other 'till a few drains lehx hahas.
We bowled and bowled 'till 6+, needed to go meet xueli at 6.30 but that stupid Jimmy had to go for another game, then ended up we met her at 7+. I could only stay there hopelessly and watch that joker play cause if i joined him as well, I will have to starve for dinner and the whole of next week.
Yea, then met her around 7+, then went to eat at Sakura there. Xueli looked rather gloomy, wonder what happened o-o. Think the wait made her rather angry. Sorry, really didn't mean to make ya wait =(
Jimmy had to rush off at 7.30 cause he had tuition and xueli had something on and went off as well, then left me and hux there lolx and we went home soon after as well.
This is the second time i managed to ask her out, but the first time she couldn't make it cause she had church outing, second time she managed to come, but the dinner didn't go rather well =/
Really, really sorry luhs xueli, next time won't make you wait that long ler. =(

2007-03-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

JASLYN WANG XUELI!! YOU PINK JELLY!! xDD
hahas you're the sweetest and best lah.blog such touching things abt me that made me cry ><
hahas.now i shall blog nice things about you too =)
you're the only one from our primary school that i've kept in touch with.
still that same childish,playful style hahas. and without your lecturings and biting, i won't be
where i am today xD
yea so stay cute,pretty and cheerful always! remember that i'll never forget you, even if i were to leave singapore one day =)

here i would also like to thank clarice and ying shan for being such good friends, meiqi for being such a good mei, sihao,huxley,jimmy,farhan and zhihui also for being such good friends.I'm just saying this now cause i'm afraid i'll never get to say it again =/
I don't know what each new day holds, so i'll live each day to the fullest.
for those who believe in god,
May God Bless You all!
Stay cheerful always =) cause one day, you might just find me not in singapore anymore to chat with you all =/

2007-03-10T19:02:00.000+08:00

just now went with huxley and jimmy to orchard road to take some photos of the place..
those two so poor, don even have camera hahas! =x
so they had to ask me to help them..
and they never ask bawani or sasi to add my name in the submission form!!!
that means i would be working for free! lolx but nvm..that's what friends are for..
helping each other when they're in need..

later suppose to be meeting xueli for dinner, but then she still at sentosa for her church outing..
so i went home first lolx.
now at home rotting..wondering what to do now~

2007-03-10T18:52:00.000+08:00

woots exam finish ler!
wah seh..this time i really last minute study sia.
study till very stressed! shoulder keep cramping, chest very pain finding it hard to breathe =/
oh well its all over now, just nidda study hard for mid-yr now.

haiz...i wonder if we still love each other like we used to..seems like we're growing further apart each passing day..
thinking back to those days brings tears to my eyes..but life has to go on, and things never stay the same..
yea just hope u won't be so stressed and stay happy always, remember i'll always be there ready to lend a helping hand if you ever need one =)

2007-03-03T18:12:00.000+08:00

Hellos!
I'm back~~hahas.
My stay in Miri was really fun. Haven't been there for 2 years now, so it's like returning home.
well on the night i arrived, i had another reunion dinner on my mom's side as we were staying at my grandparents house.
And fireworks again!Though this time was not as much as 2 years ago.=/
Think on the 2nd day, i went over to my dad's side dere to celebrate my grandpa's 79th birthday!
yea and saw all my cousins.the 3 girls all have boyfriends liao wor hahas.then my other cousin, whoa he's grown damned tall!hahas.
We had a blueberry and tiramisu birthday cake~ then later i was sitting alone with my mom while the rest were talking.
then suddenly xinying jie or was it ah hui or ah wen jie o-o cant remember which one.Either one of them suddenly said, why so quiet, missing someone ahhs? lolx that caught me off-guard.Then they asked my mom if i had a gf already.then my mom said too busy with studies hahas.
and i didnt know they were gamers too lolx.then on the 5th day, i went back with my parents along with a few of my mom's side relatives and o'coz my grandparents, to marudi.my parents hometown and where they met~
took a 4WD car there, the road was really really bumpy! yea and my young cousins couldnt take it lolx.
then i went to the place where i visited when i was still a kid hahas.cant believe the place still hadnt changed lolx.
and the rest of my stay dere was uneventful lolx.
oh and there was a number of celebrations while i was dere.ate at a few restaurants lolx!
yea and now i'm back in singapore.kinda wished i wont hav to come back~all that freedom and peace dere at miri is what i really wanted~
but i have mei, clar, hao, jimmy,hux and farhan and a few other real gd frens whom i'll miss hahas.
i missed school on thurs coz too tired, but i went for cca too get homework and get in touch with the on-goings in the club.
When david and gang saw me, they practically rushed over! and kenneth kept attacking me with an umbrella asking me for bubble gum lolx.
then went off with hao to the coffee shop for lunch.saw clar with janice and i shouted her name from behind a couple of times and she cant hear hahas.then i had to go and call her directly behind then she heard me.
tink she and janice were surprised to see me in sch as i didnt go sch in the morning hahas.yea and she gave me a real warm welcome hahas.Thanks girl ^-^
oh and all my chewing gum are officially finished! hahas.gave one box to my buddies.and another box to my class. then qinghui told me, that scene where they grabbed the gum was really scary hahas.
yea tats about it.wow a pretty long post for me lolx.

and jimmy told me he saw joting with her bf the other day...that sorta stirred up some old feelings..but i was lucky not to hav met her =/
and jaslyn wang xueli aka pink jelly pig, wanted to bite me and scream in my ear! lolx i wont let u get that chance =P

2007-02-17T11:17:00.000+08:00

Alright, I've finally made up my mind.
I'll no longer be held down by my failures and hard-goings.
I'll let things go and not think about them anymore, instead I'll be looking towards the future.
I'll move on and not look back.
If i ever fall down, I'll pick myself up.
When i come back from my retreat in Sarawak, I'll no longer be the same depressed Edmund anymore.
I'll be the new and improved one hahas =)

And Clar, don't worry.You've friends that will be there for you and help you along the hard times.
Yea, so cheer up, make the best of what you have ya? ^-^

2007-02-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

"Tonight I Feel Close To You"
Close,my eyes,and feel,your mind
Time,has passed,i walk like a shadow
Never,knew,what i’m,going through
You touch my heart and take my breath away

Whisper on the wind so softly
Let the bright stars fill our dreams,with love
Reach for your hand(You’re holding my key)
And you show me the way

Tonight
I feel close to you
You open my door,and light the sky above
When i,need a friend,you are there,right by my side
I wish,we could stay as one
I wish,we could stay forever,as one

All,the tears,that haunt,my past
You,promised,it’ll be better tomorrow
Play,that song,you and i,listened to
And let it gently ease our pain

Tender rain drops from the blue,sky
Flowers blooming,life is so,divine
Like sunlight on a stream(You’re holding my key)
You show the world to me

Tonight
I feel close to you
You open my door,and light the sky above
When i,need a friend,you are there,right by my side
I wish,we could stay as one

So,much love,in this beautiful world
Search,for the,brightest star in the sky
You,will find,the meaning of love
Don’t be afraid(Don’t be afraid),just be youself(Just be yourself)
We need this love,i’ve never knew

Tonight
I feel close to you
You open my door,and light the sky above
When i,need a friend,you are there,right by my side
I wish,we could stay as one

Tonight
I feel close to you
You open my door,and light the sky above
When i,need a friend,you are there,right by my side
I wish,we could stay as one
I wish,we could stay forever,as one

Taken from Stephanie Sun's album "The Moment"

Find that this song's lyrics kinda relates to my life..
haiz, my feeling rather moody these days...

2007-02-10T19:58:00.000+08:00

oh ya, i wont be in singapore from 18th feb to 1st march
going sarawak there visit all my relatives there and celebrate CNY! hahas gonna have "buddha jump over the wall" and alot of other delicacies yum yum~ cant wait for it hahas.
so i wont be updating anything till then.
and if anyone wan me buy chewing gum, bubble gum or anything, leave a tag or tell me on msn or in sch oso can hahas =D
yea and i'm so gonna enjoy a moment of peace there~ retreat from all the stress and pressure here.
yep, i'm gonna make full use of it..

2007-02-10T19:40:00.000+08:00

ARRGHHHH!!!!
stress stress and more stress!!!
there's homework everyday, tat's still okay,
but i don't know how to do it! its either i pass up an incomplete work or i have to ask help from david...
haiz....this is really having a bad impact on my mental morale...
wonder if i can even survive ca1...?
now practically everyday, i'm gaming just to drown out all that depression and sorrows...
its become my place of retreat, where i can escape reality..even if its but a few mins or hrs...
the only good thing here is, my new classmates are real friendly, especially the girls that are sitting around my place. somehow they can still be so lively even though its really stress..i really admire them on that..
if only i can be so optimistic..ahhs wadda heck, there's never an if in my life anyways..
all my former confidence and never-beaten morale has all been destroyed by mr jimmy tan...
i wont go through what happened between me and him again, just know that, i and him will never be at peace.
again i must thank the girls who've been really friendly and for trying to be friends with me.
but you must give me some time...i'm sorta shy around girls =x yea...
and also i'm afraid of having to go through the feeling of separation from good frens again..
so i'm still abit of unwilling to step out from my isolation yet...

~life is but a dream..an illusion..~

2007-01-30T18:48:00.000+08:00

haiz..
i have no idea what to do anymore..i'm really tired...
i feel like i've been working all my life...i can hardly catch with my school work now..
how did i end up here? why in the world did i choose this...
i missed all the times we had together..
those are nothing but memories now...
nothing lasts forever..
when there's joy, there's sorrow.When there's good, there's evil...When there's creation, there's destruction..
It's a balance...
I'm so confused now...I don't know how to explain the way i feel now...
It feels like a raging tidal wave inside me..trying to break free and drown everything...
I don't know how i managed to survive till now...all i know is, every waking hours is a torment to me where i'm faced with the harsh fact of reality..but i have to go on..its either move or die..
and to my precious cca...
if any of you members managed to read this, please remember what i'm about to write..
This cca is no longer what it used to be, it's not A.I in its shining glory anymore..
It's nothing but a cca that helps others now...If you all want to survive, please don't try to act like saviours like what I and Tim did...Don't try to save this club anymore...
Work and think with one mind..don't separate...try to be a small family there..
you all must learn to stand up for yourself..i'll no longer be there to protect you guys anymore...I've tried many times to dissuade Mdm.Mazni and Jimmy Tan from giving you all too many projects...but seems like all i got in return was this...this bullshit..
So please i beg you all, don't follow blindly.When you feel you aren't up to standard or can't do it, just say no.Nobody can force you to do what you don't want to if you all learn to stand together. Even the bloody teachers or principal can't do anything..
haiz...time for me to move on...time's up for me here...

2007-01-19T15:55:00.000+08:00

haiz...
what a life..this new class and environment..not sure if i can fit in...
i haven't been communicating with my classmates as i feel that i'm an outsider...
someone from some unknown place...fell sick on the 2nd week...
doc said stomach viral...and also partly due to stress...
cca..haiz..i've already decided to step down...cause mdm mazni and jimmy tan want me step down and become what senior advisor...although i won't be that active anymore, i still hold power over the entire club..only lower than the teachers..wonder if what they say is real...
haiz..the belief that i've so stubbornly held on to..that A.I will one day return to its former glory...
i've decided to give it up...this is no longer the club that i've pledged myself to...all the former a.i members have already left...this club is gone...it has already started to rot from the day mr adrian lim left..the intake of members has risen quite abit..but the new rules..i'm not used to it...all the discipline there is gone..no respect for the seniors...think too highly of themselves..lansin must be goddamned proud now...she must be showing off, sayin she can become what vice-president in the early part of sec1, and now president on the first day of cca..
i really pity emmanuel..he's been with us since dec of 2005..but now he's but a pathetic vice-president..they're not treating him properly..he's so active in the club.but all the members see in their eyes is lansin...lansin lansin lansin...i wonder what's so good about her...i admit she's competent, a prefect of the school..but she's now become the apple of every teacher...while we sec3s...the rotten apple of their eyes...
mdm mazni finally showed her true colors...she finally admitted that my area of specialty is not in video or what, its in somewhere else...and she only kept me because of my experience...SHE PRACTICALLY INSULTED ME! THE VERY AREA IN WHICH I TRAIN MYSELF TO SPECIALISE IN AND SHE TELLS ME I'M AN IDIOT AT IT!...sihao was right...this club has really become meaningless to be in...but i can't bear to part with it..i always remember the brief period with which i had with my seniors..that was what i call fun...but now..its like an empty shell...with nothing in it..
haiz....

2006-12-28T22:11:00.000+08:00

I'm suddenly afraid..so very afraid..
I've not felt this way in a long time...
I'm afraid to start a new year..
In a new class..
Without most of the familiar I've known for 2 years...
Life won't be the same without them..
I'm so afraid of mixing with my new classmates..
although i know some of them...
I'm afraid i can't cope with my studies...
With the fierce competition and pressure...
I'm afraid of breaking down halfway...
How i wish we could still be in the same class throughout the 4 years of secondary life...
Suddenly a dark emptiness has appeared in my heart...
A black hole..threatening to destroy everything I've worked so hard for...

2006-12-28T15:18:00.000+08:00

haiz...
memories come flooding back to me like a huge tidal wave...
each it does, tears of joy and sorrow are shed...
the joy being that i've been able to know you guys and going through all those times..
the sorrow being that we won't be together again to share those moments...
forever separated by our own passions and ambitions...
we each have our own lives, our own destinies to follow...
i can only wish that in the future, we will somehow meet up again..
talking about the good old times...
but that wish will never come to be...
i do not belong in this country...
my life and destiny lies somewhere else...
i'll be leaving soon, once i reach 18 years of age...
May fate be kind on us, and give us the chance to meet again someday...
And may God bless each one of you in everything you all do...

2006-12-16T12:25:00.000+08:00

haiz..
I finally see the light..the truth..
God finally lit a path for me..
I'll never let love rule my head again..
I'll not let it muddle or dull my senses again..
I've finally decided to cast that feeling aside..
Even if it does surface again, i'll lock it somewhere deep inside my heart..
Gone are the days.
When i used to be innocent and cheery..
I'm now a hardened man..no longer the boy i used to be..
I shall lock away any of my griefs and pain deep inside my heart..
I'll not trouble those i care for with those pathetic whining of mine..
I'll do everything I can to help them with their troubles and the likes..
But I'll not trouble them with my own problems again..
God bless that I'll live through this hard period..
So that i can resurface again as a matured man..
Not a wilful boy who only complains..
Who laments at the world being unfair to him..
Those are childish thinking..
I'll not fall into depression again..
That i can promise you all..
Thanks again for all those who helped me in the past..
Without you all, I won't be here to realise my mistakes and learn my lesson..

2006-12-15T20:25:00.000+08:00

haiz...
It feels like as if my whole world just crashed around me..
darkness envelops me now..into the darkness beyond..
feels like i've just lost every meaningful thin to me..
nobody knows..nobody cares...
death..death..death...thats all i can only think of at the moment..
and, am i feeling jealousy??
hope not.. i worked so damned hard to just destroy that feeling and makes sure it never exists again in my vocabulary..
i've also worked hard to never let love rule my head..
but here it is again..battering at me..tis relentless enemy..never letting me go..
haiz...
god save me..
or i'm doubly sure i'll either go mad or go to hell soon...

2006-12-09T20:42:00.000+08:00

lolx hello peeps.been nearly a mth since i last posted eh hahas.

Haiz..ever since start of this holidays..i've been feeling so..so..confused..my heart and mind is in a chaotic turmoil...i don't know what to do..
there's jimmy tan..accusing me of ganging up with farhan to skip that stupid ICTC anniversary.somemore right in front of my dad..clearly insulting us both..my parents were outraged.so was i..and i plan to settle it with him soon.freaking bugger..he's clearly supporting lansin.and now she's "all high and mighty" thinks she can push me around just cause she's in the teachers' favour..bloody hell..I'll tell you, I am not to be pushed around like that, u better watch out.u and your bloody "supporters".

haiz..now to put that hatred thought out of mind..i've been haunted by memories of the stuffs we used to do together...pri5-pri6, sec1-sec2...although they were but a mere 2 years each...but they brought sweet memories..there were bitter ones, but it brought us closer together..i really miss all you peeps out there somewhere...haiz..wonder where the old me went to? probably in paradise now..
ohhs and to rachel:
you were and will always be my 1st ganmei.you were there when i felt low.you were there to comfort me.Rachel you sweet babe, I'm gonna miss you alot when you leave CSS.Hope you'll enjoy your life there.May God Bless You and best of luck in everything you do =)
and to clar:
thanks for the birthday post =). sometimes, you girls just make me feel loved when i'm down or depressed. God Bless You.
Thnx alot ya gals.Love ya all lots. =D

2006-11-15T12:15:00.000+08:00

name a friend who's name starts with "s"
*Si hao
4th person in your miss calls ?
*no miss calls
what was the last text message u received
*Don't have any.
do you chew on straws ?
*Nope.
do you have curly hair ?
*Yes.
what's the next concert you're going ?
*Hmmm, maybe my primary school's pri.6 graduation day?
what was the last thing you ate ?
*Haven't eat yet.
what was the last time you said something to someone & what was it ?
*huh, don't remember talking to anyone in person.
do you watch tv ?
*Nope.
have you ever seen the movie donniedarko ?
*never heard of such movie .
ever been hunting ?
*Hmm, once.
is marriage in ur future ?
*Nope.
what should you be doing now ?
*Revising.
do you have a nickname?
*Yea, quite a few.
do you believe in love at 1st sight ?
*Yea.
who's the youngest in the family ?
*My 3rd bro.
is drugs free the way to be ?
*Yes.
are you a heavy sleeper ?
*Yes.
do you clean up nice ?
*Yea.
last time you used a skate board?
*Don't play with one.
where was the last place u sleep besides ur hse
*I love my home.=)
ever run out of gas on the road ?
*Yea.Very suay -.-
best movie u watched in the past 2 weeks?
*past 2 weeks no, but if it's the last one i saw, its DeathNote.
do you think people who come up with brain dead quizes are crying for help in some twisted way ?
*No idea.
last person you saw ?
*My mom.
talked to on the phone ?
*Don't like talking on the phone.
hugged ?
*Ain't hugged anyone for years.
person you texted ?
*No one.
todays' date ?
*15 november 2oo6
got any plans ?
*Play comp the whole day.
likes about tml ?
*Nothing.Each day is just a misery to me.
currently missing someone ?
*yea...
mood ?
*Moody.

true or false

i'm a morning person ?
-True.
i'm perfectionist ?
-True, aim to be one.
i'm an only child ?
-false
i'm currently in my pajamas ?
-false
i'm online 24/7 ?
-True.
i'm very shy about the opposite gender ?
-True =x
i can be paranoid at times ?
-true
i currently regret something i have done ?
-True.
i enjoy talking on phone ?
-False.
i have a secret ?
-True, who doesn't?

next few person to do dis ?
-Anybody who happens to drop by my blog.

2006-11-04T10:49:00.000+08:00

haiz..
i've finally fufilled my father's dream of getting me into a triple sci class..
but what joy does it bring me? It brings me nothing but remorse and despair.
Yea..i would not be in the same class as my good friends anymore. I would now go into a class full of strangers..
Well what can i do about it? Life's full of twists and turns.It has many paths and risks..I've brought this unto myself. I chose the path that leads away from my friends and into loneliness.Although it might bring me vast knowledge and maybe success in the future, i will only know loneliness.It will become my best pal.
Haiz...and what do you mean by me being attitude? Sorry if I talk like that..I've always had difficulty with communications..especially with girls. I really don't know how to reply..Sorry again shan.And sorry ziling, I scolded those vulgarities rashly. Pray forgive me. I ask for forgiveness from all those whom i may have done wrong.
I was really not in a good mood yesterday. I came to school to see which class i went to. But instead i got called up by Mr Jimmy Tan. In the cca room, I got lectured by Mdm. Mazni and Mr Jimmy. They were saying why the sec 2 weren't coming for cca and said it was my job to get them to come..
This world, so full of hatred, jealousy, hurt. The older generations have already been doing this for a long time..If we younger ones were to follow them, what would this world become then? A place full of endless war. If we all were to just give in, let things go, forgive and forget, only then, will this world know the true peace that we all envisioned.
But no, there is always jealousy and hatred brewing in some part of this world.
Maybe this is just the way the world is meant to be. Freedom and peace comes with a price. But even then, it won't last long.
We have to give something to take something. Nothing in this world is free. Yes, there is only one thing that is free for all of us. Death...some would welcome death for they're tired of this world. Some would say it is nothing but an eternity of suffering.
Anything that has a beginning must have an end. This world will end someday. Everything that we worked for, fought for, will be taken away by death and destruction. We're forever battling this enemy called death. But we will only lose in the end, for death is almighty. It takes everything away and laugh at our futile attempt to resist him.
Haiz...if only..if only..we could just forget all our enmity..but that would take a very huge effort.

2006-11-02T09:06:00.000+08:00

haiz...
this few days i've been waking up in the middle of the night..been dreaming about my friends again..
i kept thinking about all those times we've been together, it's just another memory in my head but it feels like it was just yesterday..
then i would start to think about all the friends that i've made throughout my life..and tears would start streaming down my face..
sometimes i just wonder why god gave me such good friends and then take them away from me..it juz aint fair..
All those happy and sad times together, forever etched in my memory, never to be erased..till the day i die..
and there's my cca..i feel so disappointed with myself. Before Mr Adrian Lim left, he set me as the vice-president and tim as the president..i tried learning everything and helping the cca..but then tim felt that this cca is already lost..so he left..
I was supposed to be the new president by default..but then Miss Bariyah trusted Lansin more..as she is from the councillor or otherwise known as a prefect..and she did display quite an impressive skills..
But due to the fact that i was one of Mr Adrian's batch, the club voted me as the new president..
But i aint so happy about that now..the teachers were right..Mr Veejay was right...i've done nothing for this club..
The title president is nothing but a name for me..I've let u down Mr Adrian..I've let u down Jon,Tim..i couldnt do a good job..i've let this cca down..This is no longer the cca that i've pledged myself to..this is no long A.I, this is now ICTC..why can't i just let that fact be..i kept thinking that this cca might return to its former glory..but my hopes were in vain..
I no longer feel devoted towards the club anymore..i'm only staying because Mr Adrian trusted in my skills..maybe it's time i left..leave it to the new batch..
haiz...what a life...

2006-10-27T07:42:00.000+08:00

So we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where were gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we wont be coming back
No more hanging out cause were on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you dont have another day
cause were moving on and we cant slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
I keep thinking of that night in June
I didnt know much of love but it came too soon
And there was me and you
And we got real blue
We'd stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited and wed get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking lifes not fair
And this is how it feels. . .

As we go on,
we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever,
We will still be friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back at now will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school
Still be trying to break every single rule?
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Will Heather find a job that wont interfere with her tan?
I keep-keep thinking that its not goodbye
Keep on thinking its our time to fly
And this is how it feels. . .

As we go on,
we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever,
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly its like were women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us around
Will these memories fade when I leave this town?
I keep-keep thinking that its not goodbye
Keep on thinking that its our time to fly

As we go on,
we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever,
we will still be friends forever.

Adapted from Vitamin C Graduation "Friends Forever"

I believe that the lyrics in this song really suit our lives and mood now..
It also brings back the memories I had in p6..
I can't bear to part with any of you.Thinking of those good times back then,they were unforgettable..
But no matter where we're or who we have become,we'll still be the same old 2e4'o6 that's been giving our teachers joy and tears.
Wish all of you best of luck in everything you do.
I would especially like to thank Rachel,Yingshan,Meiqi,Clarice,Sihao.
They have been helping me when I'm down.Without you guys,I wouldn't be what I am today
Thanks alot guys!
May God Bless You All In Everything You Do.

2006-10-24T09:38:00.000+08:00

haiz..sumone help me..i dowan to have to make tis heart-wrenching decision..i am torn apart by both sides of me...
The hard side of me is telling me to forget abt the friends tat i have made here and go on to study triple science as tis is once in a life time chance and build a brighter future for myself....for i've aledi been losing friends throughout my life..so tis time doesnt make any more difference..
But the sentimental side of me,which has always been so far the side that's always been leading my life, is telling me to not give them up.For in this world, true friends are hard to find and i've aledi made a number of true friends here. It tells me that it will be hard to see them again should i choose to walk down the lonely side of the road..i can only see them from afar but never from near.
As also triple science will require more of my time now..it will also mean more stress for me and i'm not sure whether i can make it..i mite just die out from overstress..
I really don't wan to separate from any of u..i've been separated from my friends for my entire life..haiz..
Everything that has a beginning must have an end..all good things will end one day..i guess my time is up..no more fun for me..it's work and work from now till O levels..hope i maybe able to find friends that are as good as the ones i have now..
This is my fate,my destiny.I will accept it and continue with my life.Should i grow stronger one day, i will do everything in my power to change that.
But for now, i'm just a hopeless,depressed teenager who has no idea what to do with his life..

2006-10-21T08:36:00.000+08:00

haiz..tis few days been feelin down,an empty hole inside my heart..i juz cant find the old optimistic me durin the pri sch days..it seems like it juz disappeared frm life ever since entering sec sch.
i dono why,i dono why, I DONO WHY!!! ARGGHHH!
im juz so depressed i can do anythin..i kept tinkin abt my life.wad a mess it is.i kip transferring schs and never made any permanent friends..juz when i tot i cld be wit them forever.my parents come sayin "we're goin to m'sia" at tat time i was juz p3 so i didnt feel much..den when i was grade5 studyin in an international sch..my parents came tellin me agn "we're goin back singapore" tis time i nearly cried for i relli made alot of gd frens dere frm all around the globe.
well i cant do anythin abt it.so i came to singapore agn.heh and guess wad.i tot i cld continue on p6 here but nooo.they retained me at p5.wasted 1 precious year of my life.
now tat i've agn made gd frens here.i overheard my parents discussing whether anot wan to migrate to australia and stay wit my relatives dere..and i tot..plz noo not now..at least wait till i finished my JC den go..
now i wld almoz find myself waking up everyday wit tears in my eyes..muz be dreaming abt old times agn heh..
haiz..nxt year i wanna take triple sci..but alot of my frens cldnt make it dere.even my best bros cldnt make it..so i will be strugglin wit myself dere..
haiz..if fate and destiny wans me to juz continue studyin and not make any permanent friends, den so be it.i will study and work till i reach my grave..
wonder wad will heaven or hell be like eh? stories abt them are juz fake..they came frm normal people's mind.they juz wanna noe whr gd and bad guys go after their death.i hav read abt many different ancient countries' lores..and they all hav different stuffs.
well i hope i can go to paradise..a place whr no hurt,hatred,sorrows,despairs or anythin of the sort.juz a peaceful place whr i can lie in peace for eternity..

2006-10-20T08:29:00.000+08:00

haiz..
when there's hope there's despair, when there's joy there's sorrow.
it's a cycle.There's always someone out there who's feeling sad or depressed when there's a happy occasion.
it's like good and bad.justice and corruption.
it helps to balance the world.There can never be true peace or freedom.They come with a price and they only stay temporary.Time will take them away.
God gave me good friends.But i am only able to stay wit them for 2-3 years. No more than that. I've made real good friends throughout my 15 years of life.But as i'm an outsider.They never stay long with me.Everytime I recall those good ole days, memories come flooding back.They fill me with tears and sorrow.As a normal human should, i've had many crushes too.But i never dared tell the opposite side.For fear of gossip and fear that she will be hurt.I've never really told anyone my true feelings.They will stay hidden with me till the day i die or someone is willing to hear them.
Now i would like to say sorry to all those whom i've hurt.I'm really sorry as I was immature during that period.But i've grown more matured now, i think twice before i do anything.Once bitten, twice shy.
I would also like to wish all my good friends out there who have been with me, lead a happy life.
Cherish those round you.Those closest to you need not be the one who knows you best.
When there's a will there's a way.When there's life there's hope.Forgive and forget.Never let anger and hatred rule your head or your heart.Revenge may be sweet,but it hurts alot of others.

2006-10-18T15:56:00.000+08:00

haiz..
got my results bak..im happy i can go to triple now..but upset at the same time.
im gonna be missing out all my gd frens nxt year.life wldnt be the same witout them.
if oni they cld get even better marks den they cld join me nxt yr..even zhihui dowan to take triple anymore..haiz.
so wad if i got gd results huh..it wont make me any happier..

2006-10-14T21:09:00.000+08:00

I have loved you since the day we met,
it was love at first sight.
I never dared to tell you,
for i fear that you will hate me even more for tat,
although I'm sure you knew.
You've hated me, ignored me, and gave me the cold shoulders,
but i never once mind.
For i know you're just venting your anger.

I know you will never love me but,
Let me be your guardian angel,
Oh please forgive me,
Vent your angers on me,
Erase any unhappy thoughts,
You're the only one..
Only one that i have loved for so long,
Undo the hurt that i have done..is the only wish i have.

Please..if there was a second chance or i can go back into the past, i would have made sure none of this ever happened.
I can only stand by and watch.Lending you my ears if you ever need them.To see you happy, it makes my heart contented.

"True Love Never Has An Ending."

2006-10-02T15:06:00.000+08:00

haiz siann.tml is exams ler!! and summore chinese! tis sub i confirm wont pass de zz..i so weak in it..haiz so stress..
on saturday nite had a horrible quarrel wit my dad...i screamed at him out of stress and he screamed bak..den he go lock my comp and i nearly ran out of the house in rage..i'm sry dad didnt mean to scream at ya..im relli stressed..
haiz and i wonder wad happened to clar and hao, they like having "cold war" hope i can do sumthin to help ya all..coz ya all helped me in da past and i wanna repay ya..
i hav finally made up my mind..im neva gonna fall in love or hav relationships wit a gal anymore..well not at least till i graduate frm university..and by tat time i did be probably in australia...im oni gonna hav sister relations wit my girl friends.
oh and happy 14th bdae shann mei, may u grow more beautiful and smarter and taller wit each passing year =DD hope ya like the prezzie,its nth much but hope ya like it =)..
love hurts,life's difficult and complicated..teenage life is such as those.

2006-09-30T19:59:00.000+08:00

1. YOUR HOROSCOPE?*
sagittarius
2. SiNGLE OR TAKEN?*
single
3. IN LOVE?*
nope.
4. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SERIOUSLY HURT BY THE PERSON YOU LOVED?*
yesh.
5. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR REASON IF YOU TURNED SUICIDAL?*
stress!
6. IS SUICIDE REALLY KILLING YOURSELF?*
stupid question.
7. COUNTRY OR CLASSIC?*
classic
8. PREFER CUTE/IDIOT OR SMART/UGLY?*
no idea.
9. ARE YOU IN A STABLE RELATIONSHIP WiTH YOUR BF/GF?*
currently no relationship.
10. YOU'D EXPECT A TEXT MESSAGE USUALLY FROM..*
no idea.
11. HAVE A BEST FRIEND THAT IS IN THE OPPOSiTE GENDER?*
lolx o'coz hav.
12. WHAT DO YOU LIKE DOING WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED?*
try to tink of happy things.
13.CHEERFUL OR BORING?*
boring.
14. DESCRIBE A PERFECT DATE..*
no idea neva been on one either.
15. EVER WONDERED WHY NOBODY KNOWS WHY THE SKY IS BLUE?*
don care..but its beautiful.
16.EVER BEEN HURT BY LOVE?*
yesh.
17.WILL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN? WITH LOVE???*
nope
18. EVER HATED ANYONE LIKE HELL?*
nope.
19. DO YOU DO ANYTHING WHEN A PERSON BREAKS UP WITH YOU AFTER ONE DAY?* dono?
nv happened b4 o_o
20. GIVE ONE WORD THAT BEST DESCRIBES WHAT YOU'RE FEELING NOW.*
bloodily stressed!.
21. DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?*
not anymore
22. EVER PHYSICALLY HURT YOURSELF?*
nope
23. EVER VERBALLY HURT YOURSELF?*
hw ya gonna do tat?
24. MOTTO IN LIFE?*
forgiv and forget.
25. HAVE YOU EVER DOUBTED SOMETIMES?*
yes.
26. HAVE YOU EVER HAD FEELINGS ABOUT A FRIEND FROM THE OPPOSITE GENDER?*
yes.
27. IF YES, WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT?*
nth except tink of her everyday..
28. IS FAME & MONEY THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE?*
nope i came into tis world wit nth and i will leave it wit nth
29. DO YOU MAKE ANY MOVEMENTS OR SOUNDS WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING?*
nope
30. ARE YOU DIFFICULT TO WAKE UP?*
nope im an early bird.
31. HOW OFTEN DO YOU SLEEP?*
every hour if possible.
Can you name 11 people you can thinkof right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 11 people...This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first...No Cheating!!!
1. Yingshan
2. Clarice
3. Meiqi
4. Rachel
5. Jimmy
6. Xueli
7. Harp
8. Ru6y
9. Sihao
10. Ziling
11. Stella
-How did you meet 10?*
In css at sec1
-What would you do if you had never met 6?*
wahh i will be missing out a great fren.
-What would you do if 6 and 2 dated?*
they nv met b4 so don tink so.
-Have you ever seen 4 cry?*
don tink so.
-Do you think 1 is pretty?*
yea all my mei very pretty de =PP
-Tell me something about number 11*
short(no offence) and cute =x
-How do you know 8?*
in habbo.
-Would you ever go on a date with number 5?*
no way! he's a guy and a gay as well.=x
-What's 7's favorite color?*
eh not sure..
-What would you do if 2 confessed he liked you?*
i did be shocked.sky drop oso wont happen.
-Who is 6 going out with?*
she's currently single.
-Who is number 5 to you?*
Best fren and bro.
-Would you ever live with 11??*
she's a girl no way.
-Is 2 single?*
hw wld i noe..
-How much does 3 mean to you?*
my meimei =)
-What do you think about 1?*
kindhearted =)
-What's the best thing about number 8?*
my on9 bro hu always lends a ear when i nid it.
-What do you like about number 10?*
lolx very gd maths.
-Favorite Memory with 6? *
tat time went bugis wit jimmy,ruiting and her. 5Patience '03 rox!

2006-09-30T19:51:00.000+08:00

1. Single, taken or crushing?
single
2. Are you happy with your life now?
nope
3.When you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him fast?
no idea..
4. Have you ever had your heart broken?
yea..
5. Do you there believe are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
over my dead body =x
6. Would you take back someone if he cheats you?
depends on situation and person.
7. Have you talk about marriage with another before?
nope
8. Do you want children?
nope
9. How many?
aledi said dowan children.
10.Would you consider adoption?
no.
11. If someone like you right now, what do you think is the best way to let you know his/her feelings?
no idea..
12. Do you enjoy getting into relationships?
no way.
13. Honest, what is the furthest you and your ex did?
no ex.
14. Do you believe in love at first sight?
yeap.
15. Are you romantic?
nope.
16. Do you believe you can change someone?
yesh, but muz depend on the person.
17. If you could married somewhere, where would it be
dono?
hmm.maybe australia?
18. Do you easily give in when you are fighting
yep.
19. Do you have feelings for someone right now?
yea..but cannot tell =x
20. Have you ever wished you could have had someone but you messed it up?
yea..
21. Have you ever broken a heart?
not very sure..
22. If one day your best friend fell in love with the boy/girl you deeply in love with, what would you do?
giv in to me fren? no use fightin over a girl..juz noe tat tat girl is happy can ler..
23. Are you missing someone right now?
yesh.

2006-09-29T19:21:00.000+08:00

haizz sian.the last week of revision is over lerrx nxt week is the exams..aledi prepared for my sci,eng and maths lerr im rdy to trash tat paper!! hahas guess im overconfident =/
lolx after sch went northpoint wit jim and farhan den met up wit sarah,me and jim's pri sch fren same sch as us now oso lolx.
jim kept tokin bad thins abt me den ask sarah go spray water on me! they so bad=( budden heng got farhan dere, he help me shoot bak jim hahas.and i bought shan's bdae prezzie lerrx =))
lolx exams are so close and everyone's suddenly so stressed, even my gd ole fren sihao oso gettin stressed lolx.oni jimmyboi not stressed he still flirting away in class and outside oso =S
anw if any of u ppl nid help no matter hw stressed or depressed i am,i'll be dere.be it studies or feelins,i used to be a gd counsellor lehhx hahas =P
anw everyone hang in dere and lets all score well so we can play hard after the exams!! =))
ohhs and tat bloody lansin..suddenly say wan quit..wad am i supposed to do!?! mr lam juz gave me a lecture on quitin the cca and its results and now tat bitch wans to quit !!!
why cant she juz stay on..i wanna quit but im still here arent i? and she's a sec1 if i leave at least i noe the club will be in gd hands..haizz i found out tat i cant and never will be able to stay angry at a person for long..haiz cant she juz at least giv me a peace mind to go exams??
im gonna giv her a hard lecture after the exams..grrr...

2006-09-25T21:00:00.000+08:00

haiz..today after science lesson, mr lam called me and jimmy bak..he started to talk to us about the cca,then what we should do and blah blah blah..tat was ok coz he always say those things..budden he started to say tat standing down wont do any good but may oni create more trouble..i noe he's aiming tat at me..tats ok frm him..what im angry abt is tat sum bloody idiot go and tell him..now tat adds another teacher who lost trust in me to my list..i guess its juz useless to point fingers now anyways..wads done is done, i give up..i will juz let time do it's job and see wad happens..
alrite so i cant find the adidas frisbee so im gonna buy the "spinno" or dono hw to spell it, lolx and on wednesday we can play together as a class =))
happy 14th bdae to zhihui and ain! =)) wish ya two a very happy bdae.
ohhs and meiqi's cough ok lerr so tat means i owe her a lollipop now i gues =S hahas don worry tml i'll get it, after sch tat is lolx.
oh wells back to revising now, tis is the last week b4 exams start!! so many stuffs, so little time lolx.

2006-09-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE! =)
lolx im being lame..
haiz..these days im feeling rather moody..sumtimes i wld juz get angry over small things..or juz feel like screaming at ppl..
juz now while revising, i suddenly felt like dumping away my books and juz giv up studyin..
its so dammed frustrating..i hav no idea why, but im gettin tis same old feelin everytime..trapped,lonely,stressed,depressed..i always feel like im being left out..coz im odd,a m'sian..juz an outsider to them..i came to tis place at the wrong time..i left m'sia in hopes to leave behind old wounds..but after comin here, new ones opened..everywhr i go i feel like an idiot..i guess i juz dont fit into tis society..
Cold,darkness,despair,love,hate,lonely,stress,depressed, tat is my world..and it will always be..nth will eva truely make me happy agn..the once optimistic me is gone..its replaced by tis new pessimistic me..
Walking down the cold and dark street alone..to be forgotten by all and juz be another part of the ghostly world..
if i were given a choice..i wld choose to be my old self again.the self tat used to laugh and smile,love and care..if oni it were tat easy..

2006-09-16T23:15:00.001+08:00

haiz sian..
juz now played audition wit clar and aaron..clar so pro sia play till siao,her avatar oso very chio lehx XD den me and aaron are like chinese immigrants lolx.
sry xueli!! relli sry cldnt make it today =(( i relli gotta study so i can get into the top class nxt yr.
thins hav been goin relli badly for me tis week..ytd in class they all say i tio depression..hurt my feelins nia..one day i relli show u all i tio depression..
den after tat went cca..fucker sia..tat mdm mazni say i didnt contribute anythin to the club so far! fish her upside down lah! i helped jimmy wit the interview,miss tay and miss koh frm the npcc asked me to help wit them film an interview, i agreed but had to ask permission..and guess wad..i got a scolding frm mdm mazni instead and cldn't help miss tay and miss koh..how infuriating.. i stayed wit the club when tim left. i cld hav chosen to left dere and den, but i was tied down by loyalty to the club so i stayed to see tat it survived.i trusted every single soul dere, treated them like my own brothers and sisters..but now..juz becoz of tis exchange of hats..i've been humiliated and destroyed..i lost all tat i've worked so hard for..the trust tat i've earned frm the teachers..and my reputation..its ruined..all gone..all gone..
how i wish everythin were like last time..so simple and peaceful..now its turned into a nightmare..hell..
i trusted u! i let u do ur own way! i never complained!WHY! why do u hav to do tis to me why...
i wished to be hacked into pieces..send me to heaven so tat i may rest in peace witout a care or worry in tis world..juz let me be and die..

2006-09-11T21:01:00.000+08:00

haiz...today i nearly burst with anger...
tat betrayer..double crosser..backstabber..bitch..ursurper..power hungry..
i was lookin forward to a happy afternoon in the a.i room with jimmy to see wad he filmed in china.
karim came in lookin for suhaidi and i let him in coz he's my fren..budden the bloody lansin not happy and immediately stormed off to tell mr vj. karim left immediately too coz i tink he scared lansin go tell teacher..
she came bak later but with no teacher so i didnt bother much..i continued with jimmy viewing his video.
later mr vj came in to view wad lansin had edited..and he told us he wanted to see me and jimmy after we had finished with the video..
budden after awhile he talked to me..
he asked me whether i knew wad was happening..i said i didnt noe all tat happened..and said i oni asked azuwan wad they did..
den mr vj told me in a pretty angry tone tat while me and jimmy were off enjoyin ourselves..
they were bz tryin to finish kwn video..den they were furious coz the oni camera they had cldnt work.i had no idea why..den he said jimmy shldnt hav taken the other camera..den he started reprimanding us..den he oso told us nxt time to never let in any of our frens or outsiders and no teachers are allowed to borrow our equipment..jimmy was lucky, he sat behind the com while i was dere facing mr vj alone..and he was scolding me like hell..den he finally said..look wad u sec2s hav done..nth! look at sec1s working so hard..den i was furious..i had worked so hard for tis club sacrificing my time when i cld enjoy myself..all tis for nothin..
but i held my tounge and said nth..den he told me lansin alone worked so hard to edit it. den i was like "wth!?! u believe wad she told u?? she's oni trying to act tryin to put on a pitiful front!!"
jimmy they all were already very unhappy with her attitude..they told me tat i shld take control b4 she started climbing over my head..but i tot b4 tat she was a nice gal, she cant be tat bad?
look how wrong i was..now she's whispering evil things in the teachers' ears and sayin we sec2s oni noe hw to slack..she's exacting her revenge on me and jimmy..revenge on me for not being able to become the president when she was so close..on jimmy becoz he relli pissed her off the other time..how i wished i had listened to my frens' advice..now she's acting like the queen ordering ppl around while commanding attention frm the teachers..now in the teachers eyes..im juz an evil person who doesnt care for the club or any commitment..
now she's juz waiting for the final moment when i will finally be hacked to pieces and cast aside..and den she will finally hav total control..
i don giv a dam anymore..tis stress nearly caused me to faint juz now..ARRRGHHHH!!!!!! fuck her!! curse her!! tat bitch!! haiz..i shldnt relli be scolding vulgarity..its against all tat i've learnt..but hu cares..nobody cares how i feel..i giv up..i dowan anythin to do wit leadership or the ever increasing chaos in tis world.. i juz wan a peaceful life whr i can live till i die of old age...

2006-09-06T20:29:00.000+08:00

ahhh!craps i played the whole day agn..didnt even revise for my subjects...and worse i haven even finish my homework!! =x hahas.
juz now was rummaging tru my desk drawer, was searching for a dumb rubber.
it was a mess lolx.and guess wad i found? my class photos since pri.1 till now!
haiz..it brings back so much memories..frm my days in nvps till pri.3 and frm pri.4 till pri5 at a international sch in m'sia..and frm pri.5 agn in nvps till pri.6.
haiz..lookin back at those innocent days when i can enjoy myself wit my gd frens witout a single worry..it relli cause my heart to ache and tears flowing down my face..i really miss u ppl out dere!! hope we can meet each other agn sumday,sumwhr...
see wad a stupid rubber can do? -.- lolx nvm...

2006-09-04T22:16:00.000+08:00

sian today play xbox wit bro frm 9am till 6pm =x play till so engrossed in it tat i didnt even noe it was 6pm until my mom called me for dinner lolx x).
haiz..steve irwin the crocodile hunter died today while doin his documentary..got stung by a stingray in the heart at cairns in australia..its so sad T_T he's such a great man doing his best to save animals..may the great man rest in peace and thank him for contributing so much to this world tat is constantly tortured by pollution and other stuffs..haiz..life is so unpredictable..u may be enjoyin ur life or doin sumthin tat u like when suddenly u mite juz die...its such a sad world..but who to blame? no one..its juz fate..dere are twists and turns and ups and downs tat will occur in our lives they are inevitable..but we muz nv let them pull us down or discourage us... so live our life to the fullest while we still can..and at the same time..we muz help in every way we can to continue wad steve irwin started..or in the nxt few decades..the animals tat exist in our present day mite juz be extinct in our children's or grandchildren's time...

2006-09-02T11:29:00.000+08:00

rawr ytd kinda pissed off in the morning! tat lansin very very stubborn and relli tink she's the princess -.-!!!. thursday we relli cant go coz most of us were out celebrating wit our primary sch teachers..but she was dam stubborn..kip askin us to come bak...den jimmy cant stand it he ask jamie go scold lansin..den later lansin tiam tiam liao. guess tat pissed her off. o well cant blame jimmy..he was having fun and enjoyin himself lolx =) den ytd we all went bak in the morning to start the indoor filming. but in the end didnt even start! why?? coz tat lansin didnt come -.- aiya heck cares her liao lahhs she tink she can take care of everythin, i let her do it! i can concentrate on my streaming anyways. later in the afternoon, jimmy asked ruiting and xueli to come out wit us to the national library. tat jimmy very lazy ask them help him wit his art exams lolx. we later ended up juz browsin tru the library and jimmy juz found one stupid bk which he aledi has -.-!! lolx. we later went bugis street dere shoppin..the gals were sayin jim walk very slow. so jimmy asked me to folo him and we walked real fast..end up those two gals were laughin like mad lolx.xueli was laughin so hard tat she nearly cried lolx..later took neoprint wit them and tis is my first time takin one LOLX!! anw i was relli enjoyin myself wit them..nv had tat much fun since i entered secondary sch.u guys are the greatest love ya all so much =))
oh and the nxt time we go out, plz don choose bugis anymore!!! i relli gettin scared of tat place lerx..went dere every friday tis mth -.- hahas 5 PATIENCE ROX!!XDD

2006-08-30T21:09:00.000+08:00

haiz..sianz today got back report card..very disappointed wit my results..haiz..i've got nothing to say about it..and well congratz shan and clar for doin so well =)
seeing the results shan gotten has really shown me tat i can actually score straight As too..Mr Wong's pretty disappointed too..he says i can do better, he actually expected me to score straight As too except for my chinese coz im realy struggling to even pass it..haiz..so disappointed wit myself for not being able to get those marks..sry for disappointing u,mr wong.
well now i'm really nearing the edge of losing my will to live on..juz gonna turn into an empty shell wit no feelings wat so ever..i hope i can pick myself up b4 tat happens..but i wldn't count on it..haiz..GOD WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TEST ME LIKE TIS!!!

2006-08-28T21:02:00.000+08:00

ok today is really sucky.
first dere's the stupid KWN which deadline is 22nd of september but stupid mdm mazni had to put it 15th of september and said we muz try to finish around dere -.-
hu does she tink we are?? robots!?! and we're not even ready yet..and she expects us to win the entire thin which will earn us a trip to US -.- and den dere's the SVA. she wans the sec1s to do it! wth! the sec1s are not even prepared!! even wit their training, half of them didnt even turn up and the rest probably were dreaming instead of payin attention! the last time mr julian did it wit the sec1 which was last year, it won us a certificate of participation -.- wad an embarrasement-.-
and now mdm mazni's gonna try it agn! wth.
all tis are pretty ok...but now our vp mrs lim wans us to handle another video project! a 5mins long one and she wans us to edit the stupid thing and says tis is very important muz do very nicely -.-
i personally tink my team is not even ready for tis kind of stuffs! god save them, they're juz sec1s! some are sec2s tat came in tis yr!
i wanted to try reasoning wit the teacher in charge which was mdm mazni.
i asked her if she cld try to ask the vp to let the other clubs do it or we drop one of the projects.
she didnt even try and told me (in a tone which told me tat i was crazy enuf to suggest it) straight no! jimmy later talked to me and said tat even he and lansin was shocked to hear it comin outta my mouth. they don even dare to tell the teacher and said if i was crazy or sick -.-
wth i juz cant bear wit tis anymore..i cant watch those stupid teachers or even the vp or p to work my members to death witout even hearing their complaint.
i'm gonna go and confront the vp tml and see wad she says...tis is relli gonna earn me a suspension or counsellin -.-
ARRGHHH IM SO GONNA BLOW SOON!! i'm now crazy enuf to tink of suiciding but i wont do so till i hav settled tis..i'll at least save my frens b4 i leave them.

2006-08-27T18:01:00.000+08:00

lolx tis is my first blog eva. im still abit blur in usin it hahas.